


Crack Smut Shorts

by DarthUmbreon (SperoDeoVolente)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Beard Fetish, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dildos, Dirty Talk, Explicit Sexual Content, Food Kink, Food Sex, Forbidden Love, Humor, Masturbation, Other, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Humor, Shameless Smut, Smut, Somnophilia, Sorry Not Sorry, Vore, Voyeurism, Wax Play, hair fetish, hair fucking, more to be added as I write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-02-23 12:39:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13190283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SperoDeoVolente/pseuds/DarthUmbreon
Summary: I decided to *cough*inflict*cough* share with the fandom with a series of complete and total crack smut shorts. Each short smut story is 200 words or less. What happens when someone writes serious smut as a complete crack in 200 words or less? Read this and find out.





	1. Watery Love

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter, Watery Love, started out as a gift fic for a friend. It was a result of an art stream. After inflicting others and discovering that they loved my short, crack smut, I decided to write one for each Overwatch Hero.

Reaper looks at his one true love with a passionate gaze. Hot Topic water bottle stares back cool and collected. However, their true feelings soon show as water droplets condense against their exterior. His hand reaches out tenderly running a finger down that hard, moist shaft. Water bottle condenses further in pleasure. Reaper slowly peels off Hot Topic water bottles label, exposing all that clear plastic. Now nothing is secret between them.

“I’m so thirsty.” Reaper’s voice is husky, hands shaking slightly as he picks up water bottle. “You ready?”

Fingers quiver in excitement as Reaper carefully unscrews Water bottles cap. Then the drinking starts.


	2. Jack's One True Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack gets ready to finally have sex with his special someone.
> 
> Jack x Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do love this guy, don't take these shorts as my serious opinion of them xD

“It arrived my love. I got us that special something that will allow us to finally become one.” Jack whispered, one hand lightly trailing up and down the dildo before setting it on the bathroom sink. His one true love, a gorgeous blue-eyed, blonde hunk winked back at him from within the mirror. Hot need curled in his cock as butterflies fluttered in his gut. He winked seductively and was given a seductive wink in return.   
  
“I want you so bad my love.  You’re the only one worthy to enter me.” Jack reached for the lube and popped it open.    
  
Finally, he had a dildo made from a mold of his own, perfect dick. Goosebumps ran down his spine as he used an index finger to prepare the most wonderful asshole in the world, his own. He moaned in pleasure.    
  
“Soon, my love, soon we shall be one.”  


	3. McCree's Beard Gets Some Lovin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McCree. His beard. Hot wax. Sexy fun times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3  
> I wrote this one with Jellygay in mind.

  
“Oh baby,” McCree moaned, his eyelids low. A single red candle provided a romantic glow to the occasion. He tipped the candle forward. A bead of wax grew larger as gravity helped prepare it. For hours, wax fell drip by drip on the slutty facial hair. That beard was always eager for more hot wax. His beard was ready. McCree tipped the candle even further. The brown facial hair wanted more, the soft hair gleamed in the dim illumination. A silent beg for more. One drop of wax finally fell. That single bead of wax landed onto his beard, going deep into the strains of hair. His beard glistens and happily takes the hot wax in deep.    
  
“Ahhhh,” McCree groaned low and deep, his beard eating up the wax, still demanding more.  
  
“That’s good, real good,” McCree pants slightly as he sets down the red candle. He reaches for a large black candle. “Ready for the good stuff darlin’?”


	4. Bastion's Quickie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bastion loves Fire Truck. Who waits for him just off the highway. Always wearing vines and rust, sexy and perfect, Bastion has no greater love then for Fire Truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3

“Beep boo weee-oooo,” Bastion cooed. One hand stroked the sleeping form of Fire Truck.  A few vines were the only sleepwear Fire Truck ever wore. Rust exposed parts of his lovely Fire Truck, exposed only for Bastion. He placed a hand through a hole caused by that sexy rust. He pumped a piston. Some grease poured out of his own joints in excitement. Circuits shorted a little as he touched Fire Truck. Soon he would fuck Fire Truck. Just a few feet from the highway. Any human driving along it could watch him make passionate love to Fire Truck. More grease came out of his joints. His body shifted forms. Soon he would fuck Fire Truck. Bastion loved that Fire Truck waited for him. Always ready for sex, sound asleep just off the highway. 

 

“Doo doo weeeee beep!” Bastion moaned and got his engine ready to enter Fire Truck. Fire Truck’s parts creaked and groaned under him. His engine slammed into Fire Truck hard and fast. He came fast deep inside Fire Truck. 

 

“ _Beeeeep_!”


	5. Dirty Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sombra talks dirty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing these so much. I just have to share them.

“Yes, spread yourself out for me. Lay it all out where I can see it. That’s it, don’t go slow. You’re so good, nice and open, so easy,” Sombra purrs at the monitor. Her tongue flicks out and runs slowly over her lower lip. One purple fingernail trails down the side of the monitor. “Such tender knowledge, soft and sweet to my touch,” Her other hand slides under her skirt. She pushes past her panties and presses a finger into her sopping pussy. “ _ Ughh! _ ”   
  
“Don’t hide anything, bare it at all to me. I can’t get enough of your sloppy secrets. Your open data tastes like sugar and spice and everything nice,” Sombra leans forward and her tongues slides out further from her mouth, almost licking the monitor. “I can’t get enough of you data, I never will. You now belong to me, you dirty little secret.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a new primary Tumblr you can look at it. I no longer maintain my old one. I mostly talk about updates, writing, and content creation! [Spero Deo Volente](https://sperodeovolente.tumblr.com)


	6. Hot Pocket Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genji uses hot pockets as a sleeve. They love it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3  
> I'm back with more terrible, terrible crack smut!

“So hot,” Genji moaned. His hand gripped the ham and cheese hot pocket tenderly. With a slow movement, he jerked the hot pocket up and down his shaft. Cheese lovingly clung to his pubic hair. Bits of ham held tight to the flushed skin. No longer a mere microwave meal, ham and cheese hot pocket became a tight, faithful cock sleeve for Genji’s veiny dick. Happy to hug that perfect piece of meat close, hot pocket slathered its juicy contents all over Genji’s dick.  
  
“No one else can make me so good ham and cheese,” Genji spoke softly. Eyelids lowered with pleasure and his cock twitched. _Close, he was so close!_ His hand started to move ham and cheese faster over his cock. “You’re the best.”   
  
Full of cum, hidden in the trash next to Genji, bbq chicken hot pocket knew better. It was the best, the only one for Genji. After that slutty ham and cheese had failed Genji, the truth would be known!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't claim this idea as my own. [PandarenSoul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandarenSoul/pseuds/PandarenSoul) told me about a discussion he about Genji using hot pockets as a sex toy. He shared some very interesting art of Genji fucking other food. I laughed really hard and knew it was perfect for crack smut shorts. You can also find this guy on Tumblr at [PandarenSoul](https://pandarensoul.tumblr.com).


End file.
